i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
