the condom got lost in my hair
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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