"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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