i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
