Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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