There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
