Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
