You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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