Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
