I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize