Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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