I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
