I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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