Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
