I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize