How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
