using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize