I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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