CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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