She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
