My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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