she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
