apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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