I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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