Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Your penis caused this!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
