Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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