I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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