on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
