can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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