dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
