I'm gonna have a badass scar
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
