last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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