and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
