you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
