garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
