yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
