no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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