Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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