in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
