when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
