wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
