so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
