It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I had your ass I would rule the world
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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