i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
