saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
