i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
