You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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