I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
