That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
