I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
