im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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