YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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