You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wannas sexs uuuuu
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
