Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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