are you still at the devil's house?
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
