I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
