conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
