3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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