Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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