Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
