she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
