I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
