32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
