I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize