i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
