someone threw a dead crab at me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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