Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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