Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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