I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
