Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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