There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
