you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
