1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
