So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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