I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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