Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
