so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
