My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
