You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I AM VODKA MAN
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize