I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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