There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize