This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
