he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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