U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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