Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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