Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
