my mouth tastes like poor choices
wanna go halves on a baby?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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