I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We talked him into tasing himself.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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