Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
