so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
