how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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