Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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