Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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