I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize