Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
