If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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