yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
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I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize