so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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