it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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