I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
