He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Randomize
