apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
