everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
