The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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