he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
